Treasure Island Movie

On your radar this week: Fireworks on the Fourth, then Motley Crue, the ...

Happy Fourth of July! Pick your spot for fireworks tonight. In St. Petersburg, the Pier is the hub of action, but the fireworks at 9 p.m. can be seen from most of the waterfront parks. There's also a flash mob to Katy Perry's Firework at 8:55 p.m. In Tampa's Channelside, fireworks choreographed to music will go off at 9 p.m. In Clearwater, head to Coachman Park for the display at 9:30 p.m. For more, visit tampabay.com/things-to-do .

Motley Crue: The raucous '80s band will jam with Poison and New York Dolls at 7 p.m. Wednesday at the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa. $25-$95. (813) 301-2500.

A Dance in 48 Hours: Four dancers will work together to come up with a concept, choreograph it and rehearse it all in 48 hours, and you can watch. Open rehearsals are free at 3 and 7 p.m. Friday; the performances are 6 and 8 p.m. Saturday ($15–$20), all at Studio@620 in St. Petersburg. (727) 895-6620.

Cartoonapalooza: There's a whole convention of editorial cartoonists in St. Petersburg, so here's your chance to get inside their heads. Six will present a slide show of their best works with humorous commentary, followed by a Q&A session, at 7:30 p.m. Friday at the Poynter Institute, 801 Third St. S. $25. Toll-free (888) 769-6837.

Date night

Rock the Park: The monthly music series gives you a good excuse to savor Curtis Hixon Park in Tampa. Live music by the Beauvilles, Infinite Groove Orchestra and Imagiin360 starts at 6:30 p.m. Thursday, along with food and beverages. Free.

The Amazing Kreskin: The 76-year-old mentalist and magician whose name has a life of its own in pop culture must already know if you're coming to his show, but in case you need to know, it's 8 p.m. Saturday at the Straz Center in Tampa. $25-$35. (813) 229-7827.

David Alan Grier: The In Living Color and Dancing with the Stars alum performs at 9 p.m. Friday at the Club at Treasure Island. $30. (727) 367-4511.

Kids and family

Pool flicks: You can lounge on your floatie and watch a movie in three places Friday. The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie is 8 p.m. at Dive-In Movies at St. Pete Beach Aquatic Center; $3, drinks, snacks and glow jewelry for sale. Flick n Float at Largo's Southwest Recreation Complex features Despicable Me , games and hot dogs at 7:30 p.m.; $5, $4 resident.

The B-Flick Chick: Movie Review # 102 The Pirates of Treasure ...

The fact that The Asylum always makes money on each of these movies shows one thing. That crap sells and if your budget is low enough and enough fools buy it. You turn a profit and laugh all the way to the bank as you churn out another turd that people will buy. As they think it is the real deal. This kind of thinking is completely wrong but also completely brilliant as people are gullible and sold on pretty pictures. Which these movies cover in spades. It is also the reason most people hate these movies as the box art and descriptions often do no justice to how pathetic the movie is. Take for example this movie here. The Pirates of Treasure Island. Which is a Comedic adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's tail Treasure Island. I know what you are thinking I am crazy for writing that sentence. But I am just re-writing what was said on the official wiki for this movie. Which I disagree with completely as this is not a comedic adaptation of a literary classic. It is straight up destruction and blasphemy. As it takes the insects from Starship Troopers and drops them in Treasure Island. Hell I would go to say they look like the evolution of the monsters from Tremors as well. Either which way you go they screwed up and ruined the story. Which is damning to me. As I love Pirate movies and I love Treasure Island adaptations! Including the silly Muppet's, Treasure Planet and everything in between. But not this one! Oh no! This movie spits on the grave of Robert Louis Stevenson. If he could get up and be a zombie he would go after the producers, writers and cast of this movie and kill them for ruining his work. All the while screaming "Giant bugs! Why Giant Bugs!!" as he chomped down on the brains of these degenerate hacks. Even then I do not think this would be a fitting way to kill off these people. I honestly do not know what is. Maybe making them sit through this movie and all of the Asylum pictures would be more fitting. Even then it is not enough of a purgatory to make up for the fact that I am always reviewing these movies. I honestly just hate anything by The Asylum. I dread the movies as I see them cue up on my randomizer. Which is fine and dandy just do not ever expect me to write something nice. If you can avoid these movies do. Be it if they are on Sci-Fi, Netflix, Amazon, Blockbuster or your local video supplier. Just avoid them! Period!

New York Magazine

Roger Ebert's Movie Yearbook 2006

Leonard Maltin's 2009 Movie Guide

Muppet Treasure Island, the movie storybook

Pirates of the Carolinas